


Pine (me a) river

by Liffis



Series: Tree-related shenanigans [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Colorado Avalanche, Feelings, M/M, Pining, choo choo all aboard the angst train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 12:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18135875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liffis/pseuds/Liffis
Summary: So, it's okay. He's in love with Tyson. It's not a big deal.(Except it's a huge deal.)





	Pine (me a) river

**Author's Note:**

> So, I decided to treat my bad feelings with writing A LOT of angst. Here, more angst.
> 
> Originally I did plan on writing a whole-ass compilation of Avs having Hanahaki, but then the whole pining of JT kinda got away and...yeah. PINING. MASSIVE PINING.  
> (Maybe imma write about EJ and Nate, because of reasons.)

Being in love with Tyson is probably the easiest thing he’s ever done. Already at the first time he’d ever met him, he’d thought that, oh, this could be too dangerous. Too easy to fall in love.

And it had been just that, too: as easy as breathing, as skating, it had been easy to fall for Tyson. They’re best friends – he’d fallen fast and hard, and there was no end to it, because they were close enough for JT to fall in love with him every day. If he wouldn’t have been in love with Tyson already, he’d have fallen for him every day ever since. 

It’s ridiculous, of course. 

He knows that.

But he can’t stop. His feelings for Josty can’t just be turned off like that. He knows. He’s tried it. More than once, in fact, and if he could, he’d snap the feelings off, clip them off like one might prune plants. These feelings are just – inconvenient, at best. 

Josty’s his best friend. 

Tyson. 

Sometimes, if he’s alone in bed, he rolls the name on his tongue, as if it’s a gem, a wine he can only ever have one single sip or he’d be poisoned by it, because it’d be too much. It is too much. 

Saying Tyson is intimacy, it’s – for him it is so much. Because Tyson is not just anyone, it is Tyson, Josty, a million impressions rolled into one person, into the thunk! of JT’s heart, whenever he sees him, sweaty palms whenever Tyson’s close, dry lips whenever they talk to eachother. That, and so, so much more, as if his body is going completely crazy and it always takes so much to reign it all it, to keep calm, stay calm, stay Tyson’s – Josty’s, only ever just Josty’s – best friend.

He still kind of hopes that one day this reaction will stop, that he’ll just – not feel so much when he sees him, but so far, nothing has happened. If possible, it has gotten worse.

Because in the beginning, he’d been crushing on Tyson because of his looks. Of course Tyson was handsome. Very much so, even. No use for lying, really. That laugh? These curls? It takes Tyson maybe half a second and he has people wrapped around his finger, and another second later, they truly are, and whoever stays in his proximity after that will, at one point or another, be eating out of Tyson’s palm, JT’s sure. There’s just no other way, is there.

So yeah, he’s really not surprised he is – overwhelmed. By Tyson. 

The thing is about what came afterwards. Because most people settled around Tyson. Fell out of – feelings or whatever they apparently caught, they snapped out of it. Were still charmed but not as much emotionally messed up by Tyson.

Except for JT. 

The more he learned of Tyson, the worse it got. Like he hoarded the tiny details of Tyson, the things that made up Tyson, close to his heart, the little secrets no one else got to see, no one else apparently cared enough. Tyson was, of course, loosely dating around and having one night stands, but none of them saw what JT saw.

They didn’t or else they would’ve stayed. 

JT’s not proud of himself, but: he’s glad they don’t. Tyson would be happier if they did, and that’s the only thing keeping him from openly belting out his happiness. Because he’s the one who gets all of this – for some reason no one else has caught up on this yet, no one else has opened their eyes and just – seen Tyson, seen how great he is, what a great person he is. 

No one else has apparently seen his smile, his laugh, has witnessed his humour and his dorky laugh and the way he sings cheesy songs under his breath when he’s doing something boring or how he fistpumps when he scores an especially great goal during training and no one sees how – how – how there are so many good things all wrapped up in Tyson, he’s so good JT could talk about it until his voice gives out. He could. He wants to. Like a ballon expanding between his ribs, threatening to pop at any second now: he wants to talk about it. 

How – how – how good Tyson is, how great he is. How JT’s heart is going overtime whenever he sees Tyson. 

How he sometimes tries Tyson’s name, in the quiet of his bed, at night, when no one else can see nor hear him. Like Tyson’s name is a secret of him, something precious. Surely anyone who has eyes and ears would know of his feelings as soon as they got to know of how he says it, how his face surely must look like when he says it. 

He wishes he could say it to Tyson, like that. Like it means something, beyond friendship. Like Tyson’s name truly is something important, something precious, like he could whisper it against Tyson’s lips and maybe gently comb his hair back and kiss him, like this is something he could actually do instead of just dream of doing it. 

In his dreams, it’s easy, of course. In his dreams, Tyson flutters his eyes shut, and in some dreams he even blushes, like it’s something emotional too, like it’s not just JT putting his heart on the line. And in his dreams, Tyson returns the hug and tilts his face upwards and it’s so very easy to just kiss him. Gently, and it’d be warm. They kiss slowly, taking their time. In his dreams, they have time. In his dreams, they can and do kiss until Tyson’s lips are red and wet and JT sneaks another kiss just because he can and it’s the easiest thing in the world.

On some days, his dreams are the only thing carrying him through the day. 

Usually, he enjoys being Tyson’s best friend, being so close: it is just barely enough – for his feelings, for all that he feels for Tyson and being so close is almost enough to trick himself into being happy with the whole situation. Usually, that works.

Sometimes, it makes it even more vivid, more stinging how – Tyson is flirting with other people. How he’s not turning towards JT at the end of a long night of partying. How he’s whispering in some girl’s or some guy’s ear, much closer than mere acquaintances. How he’ll leave with them. 

That’s only normal, of course: Tyson can date or bang whoever he’d like to. JT’s just a friend. And situations like these all rip his lovely merry little dreams apart: he’ll never be more than just Tyson’s friend. It doesn’t matter how much he’ll dream, how much he’ll hope, how happy he’ll be being Tyson’s friend: he won’t ever be more for him. Not ever.


End file.
